Monday, September 27, 2010

Parker is 2!!!

Parker is turning 2 this Saturday, but because of General Conference, we had his friend birthday party this past Saturday. It was a sports themed party, obviously. He had 8 friends over, so it got a little crazy, but we had fun.

This is what Parker has been up to lately:
  • He sings his ABC and recognizes at least 8 letters (E, R, B, H, I, S, O, A).
  • He can count to ten
  • He has been going potty an average of 1 time a day
  • He is loving and gives kisses and hugs freely
  • He all of a sudden loves taking baths. He wants multiple ones a day.
  • He loves, loves, loves to sing. His favorites are the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle (which he gets confused between the two songs), Once there was a snowman, and Old McDonald.
  • He loves watching movies - I wish he didn't. His new favorite is Bolt.
  • He loves stuffed animals. He sleeps with like 6 every night.
  • He is starting to get pretty picky about what he eats
  • He laughs LOUDLY especially at church during sacrament meeting
  • I can't understand about 80% of what he is saying
For his party, I made a pinata shaped like a baseball. It took way too many hours, and my amazing husband helped me decorate it without even complaining.
  • Parker is excited about his baseball pinata

    Matt, the amazing-pinata-making-dad, helping out at the party

    Can't have too many pictures of the pinata, can we?

    The kids playing with the new toys. Gosh, I still need to paint my front door.

    Parker was really happy about the cupcakes.

    He chose a basketball

    I love my (not so) little guy!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Our story (part 2)

I know this is long, and probably boring, but this is how Matt and I met and fell in love, if any of you are interested. I just typed it all out, for some reason, I guess for posterity's sake, but then thought, "maybe I'll put it on my blog." So here it is:

For part 1 read here:

I made it rather difficult since Matt lived in Riverton and I in Logan, but we made it work. Our emails continued, although they took on a noticeably romantic vibe. We were able to see each other quite a bit despite our long separation. We were pretty happy… for a couple of months, but then, just like in high school, I wanted to keep my options open. I liked college and there were a lot of boys there that I found interesting. Of course, now I see how heartless I was, how Matt truly loved me, but at that time, I knew what we had couldn’t last. He was going to leave on his mission and the long-distance thing would be hard to keep up. That and I knew that he loved me and that scared me. Love? He was my first real boyfriend. How could I even know what love was?

So then it happened: the worst mistake of my life. Breaking up was the right decision at the time, but I was not wise, smart, brave, kind or something enough to do it correctly. So what did I do? I ignored him. I mean, not completely, but enough that he didn’t know what the heck was going on. I am truly embarrassed about how I handled the situation and how I hurt him. Of course, as if to make matters worse, Matt was completely above the type of pettiness that I exhibited. He confronted me and through a very emotional conversation, I broke up with him. Despite how cliché it sounded, I said that I still wanted to be friends and I really meant it. Despite how much it hurt him, Matt agreed to it. Who would have thought that “I could have my cake and eat it too,” as the saying goes. I could date other people while keeping Matt in my back pocket just in case. It sure wasn’t enjoyable for Matt, but how could it have been any other way. We needed each other.

I wasn’t heartless. Really. I loved Matt so much, but I wasn’t in love with Matt the same way he was in love with me. It didn’t feel right and I wasn’t ready for that type of relationship anyway. Sorry. I know I don’t need to justify my actions anymore, but I just feel so darn bad about it. A few months later, Matt was about to leave on his mission. I had made arrangements for my friend to drive me down to Riverton to attend a farewell party and listen to his talk. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication and I was left in my college dorm, helpless. I didn’t have a car to drive and I certainly wasn’t going to walk. So instead I just cried. I wasn’t going to see my best friend for two years and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. My heart ached thinking about how he would feel about our unresolved end. For all he knew, I could be married by the time he came back. At that moment my roommate, Jackie, volunteered to drive me down. She had no reason to make that 3 hour round trip drive that evening. Usually I can’t accept that type of offer, but how could I refuse. Jackie knew the intricacies of our relationship probably better than anyone else. She knew how it important it was. I was late, but I was there. I did attend his farewell party and I did get to say goodbye.

The next two years went by pretty fast for me. I wrote to Matt a few times. He wrote to me a little more than a few times, but once he realized that I wasn’t the letter-writing type, he started to only write when written to. I still get crap for the scarcity of letters I sent out in that two-year period. I didn’t realize it, but he thought about me often. Not in an obsessive, can’t focus kind of way, but he always kept a picture of me – or rather, a poster by his desk. It was supposedly one of those motivational posters with the word “determination” written across the bottom in bold letters followed by some inspirational quote, but the picture was of me rock climbing. A tribute to all our adventures.

I knew Matt should be coming home soon. I was looking forward to it. When the day had come, I nervously took out my phone and dialed his home number. He answered and we spoke a few words. It was a little awkward and he didn’t seem nearly as excited as I imagined he would be. Even though I was silently disappointed, I thought, “Finally, he is over me” and willed myself to be happy about it. It was a bit of a relief. I didn’t need to feel awkward or worry about what I was going to say to him. We went dancing as friends. We went climbing as friends. That’s all we were: friends. Isn’t that what I wanted?

I moved home over the summer, but I didn’t really have many friends at home, except Matt. We started spending a lot of time together. I came over to his house often to use his computer since mine wasn’t working very well. Or was that just an excuse? I don’t recall. I remember that I started to feel a little different about Matt. I would sit a little closer to him. Our conversations got a little more flirtatious. Even though I was aware of this, I pretended like it was nothing. Not a big deal. We’re just really good friends.

We planned a trip to Maple Canyon with some friends. We were going to spend the day climbing and then head watch the Manti Pageant in the evening. We all had a lot of fun despite the rain, and even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was very attracted to Matt as he climbed up the cliffs of Maple Canyon. We went to the Manti Pageant and sat next to each other, wrapped in a blanket and then in one moment, I realized that it had gone too far. He held my hand. That was not in my plan. There was this other guy from college who was coming down to visit me in a couple of weeks, a guy that I had liked for a while and now this. Although surprised and confused, I enjoyed it. I felt good for him to hold my hand in the way that only he can. We camped out that night and I fell asleep to the nagging question, “What should I do?” I continued to not only hold his hand the remainder of the trip, but to continue to enjoy it. I had a speech prepared about how it wouldn’t work, about how Matt still needed to date people, and about how I still wanted to date people too. People that weren’t him. Unfortunately, we never had any privacy the entire weekend.

The next day we were both up in Logan making preparations for the school year and he was my ride home. I knew I couldn’t drag it on like I did the first time I broke his heart, so I tried to be direct. Seeing his heart break was awful, but hearing him say that we could no longer be friends if we weren’t going to be more than friends was more than I could bear. So there we were. In the car crying, knowing that our relationship was now over.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Our story (part 1)

I know this is long, and probably boring, but this is how Matt and I met and fell in love, if any of you are interested. I just typed it all out, for some reason, I guess for posterity's sake, but then thought, "maybe I'll put it on my blog." So here it is:

I remember the moment clearly, but at the time, I didn’t find it particularly significant except perhaps an embarrassing situation barely avoided. I was sitting in health class, a timid girl feeling all alone in a room full of 30-something kids. The teacher called for everyone to get into groups. I always HATED when teachers did this to me. I had two options. I could actually talk to someone I don’t know and invite myself to join their group or just wait it out, hoping someone would notice me and invite me to join their group. I, of course, chose the second. I always did. Talking to people I didn’t know was always too difficult, although I’m not sure why. Pretty much everyone was grouped up, except me, when I almost started to panic. At that moment, the only person I knew – or I should say, recognized – invited me into a group or 4 or 5 boys. The boys were nice and introduced themselves to me and I noticed one, his name was Matt. He had a CTR ring on and was kind. I didn’t feel worried anymore.

As the weeks rolled by, Matt and I became friends. The teacher always left a few minutes at the end of class and Matt would always take that opportunity to talk to me. I knew that he had a little crush on me, but I didn’t think anything of it. At that point, I was almost sixteen which meant I could start dating soon, and I was keeping my options open. There was one boy that had caught my attention. I met him at a dance and had heard through the grapevine that, apparently, I had caught his attention too.

There it was. The phone call I was waiting for. The boy from the dance was asking me on a date. I was not yet sixteen, but by next Friday, when the date was set, I would be. Perfect timing.

I was so nervous. I sat at the piano and played as fast as I could. The tempo matching my heart rate, until “ding dong” and they both stopped. I was nervous to begin with, but fear began to paralyze me when I realized that I didn’t know a single person in the van. Heck, I barely knew my date. Yeah, we danced together a few times and he was a friend of a friend and such, but just like that one moment in health class, I felt alone. Whatever charm I had that night we danced had melted away. It was just me and I was terrified. Why? I’m not sure. I liked him a lot and wanted to leave a good impression, so, of course, I do the exact opposite. It’s not that we had much opportunity to talk since we just went to a movie, but even the time before and after the movie, I was pretty much mute. So that was that. My friend confirmed what I already knew. He wasn’t interested anymore. Who would be interested in a boring girl, a girl like me.

My next date couldn’t have been more contrasting. Matt, of course, took the opportunity to ask me on a date. We went swing dancing at the MAC. I had so much fun. It surprised me. I thought I was doomed to be that boring girl from a few weeks ago. The one who, no matter how hard she tried, could not think of one interesting or charming thing to say. Well, I was a different girl tonight. Matt made sure I was comfortable and that each moment was enjoyable. See, I wasn’t boring. Matt didn’t think so.

As our high school career continued, Matt and I became even better friends. Even though I was vaguely aware that Matt had some attraction to me, I didn’t think that it was anything more than that. I didn’t realized how hurtful it was when I would date one of his best friends or when I would talk to him about boys that I liked. In fact, most of the time, I took his loyalty and kindness for granted.

It wasn’t until after we graduated that I truly appreciated the type of friendship we had. We could talk about anything. He was the one person who understood me. We would take any situation we were in and turn it into a fun adventure. The summer after graduation was mostly like a dream. We would start out in groups, hanging out. We learned how to rock climb. We would go on a hike. Slowly the group faded away until it was just the two of us. Some days, we would spend the whole day together, doing some sort of marathon activity like hike then rock climb then go biking and then go dancing until the day was done. I was surprised that even though we spent so many hours together, we never ran out of things to say. But still, we were friends, best friends, but only friends.

When I went away to college, I felt alone once again. I knew people from high school and my roommates really were nice, but I needed someone else. I needed Matt. We would email each other every day. Every single day. Sometimes more. We kept them lighthearted and silly, but every single chance I got, I was on that computer checking my email. I counted down the days until I could see him again. One time, when I went home, we planned a great adventure. We went rock climbing up Big Cottonwood Canyon at a place called “The Slips.” There we did a 2-pitch climb for the first time. It was easy, but the reward was at the top. Instead of going up and down a cliff, we went up and then up again, until we were at the very top of the cliff, just the two of us. It was beautiful seeing the canyon this way. We sat next to each other in a little nook and both of us felt it, but neither of us did anything about it. We just sat in silence- having nothing to say for the first time. I was suspicious before, but now I knew that I needed Matt to be more than a friend. We went out to eat covered in climbing chalk, feeling like we were cool even though we probably just looked silly. Then we went to a movie. I thought “this is it” and it was. It was the end of our friendship as we knew it, but the beginning of something new.


to be continued

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

February 26th!!

That's right, mark your calendars. Matt, Parker, and I are expecting baby #2 on February 26th! We are all very excited. Parker adores babies and I know he will be a great big brother. It is perfect timing because we have just moved into our house which we love.

I'm 16 weeks along and doing well. I haven't had much morning sickness. In fact, much of the time I was worried because I wasn't sick at all and morning sickness is a sign of a normal pregnancy. I was, however, super-duper tired. That is probably why you haven't heard from me much in the last little bit. I am feeling better now and I can't wait for my new little one to arrive!

In other news, I'm teaching again this year and I haven't told my students about my pregnancy yet. I guess I'm a little scared because my due date is 2 days after the science fair and they may feel like I won't be there to help them. But, I'm sure there are rumors flying. Either "Ms. Budd is pregnant" or "Ms. Budd has put on some weight!"