Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I love the book called "Hello, Cupcake!" It has really cute and easy ways to decorate cupcakes....easy enough that I can do it. Here are some of my creations.
This was a cake I made for Casey & Sheralee's wedding
Saturday, November 6, 2010
he just wanted to run in circles. over and over again.
I started getting serious about this potty training thing this weekend. I bought Parker some choo choo train and Buzz Lightyear underwear. The first two days I had moderate success. He only peed his pants once per day and was pretty upset when he did (He didn't wear underwear the whole day. He had a diaper during his nap and at the babysitters). Then today he peed himself 3 times already and it is only noon. I think it is because he was distracted since Daddy is home and Mommy was spending a lot of time cleaning instead of constantly asking him if he needs to go potty. I think I just need to be more diligent with him right now. The biggest problem is that he hasn't gone poo-poo in the potty yet. He goes in his underwear and then tells me about it whe it is too late or I smell it when it is too late. Does anyone have advice for me? Also, how do you transition to underwear when you go out? I don't think he is ready for underwear during naptime and nightime. He is peeing sitting down right now. How do I transition to standing up? ...great he just peed in the kitchen.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
We both moved on. I started dating a boy pretty seriously and Matt was a crazy dating machine. We were still civil to each other, but there was no more hanging out. It wasn’t really until after the boy I was dating broke my heart that we began to be friendly again. Since I had been dating him the entire semester, I hadn’t really been spending much time with my other friends and when he left my doorstep that last time I felt alone. I could talk to my friends, but they didn’t really understand me. Not as much as Matt did. In a moment of desperation, I took a long walk and ended up at Matt’s doorstep. I knocked and my heart dropped when he wasn’t home. Still, his roommates delivered the message and he was surprised. He didn’t know how much I’ve always depended on him.
Things started small. I helped him with his homework. We shared stories about unsuccessful dates. I tried to set him up with my roommate. We would walk with each other to certain classes. We started dancing once again. And we would plan trips to the “closet” which, even though it sounds dirty, is actually a small climbing room in the field house. There was one time at the closet that we both remember. No one else was there except us. We played games on the wall and would spot each other when climbing high. I remember the urge to lean over and kiss him, but I quickly threw that silly notion out of my mind, but we both can still remember that tension we felt. The way it was to casually bump into each other or to make a flirtatious comment.
It was that day that I knew something had to change. I remember thinking that If I keep on standing by, I’m going to end up like Julia Roberts on “My Best Friend’s Wedding” except I didn’t have a gay friend who would help me ruin his wedding and comfort me afterward when the plan failed. I already knew I felt jealous of all those girls he talked about. How he asked the cutest girl out in his class. How I knew certain girls in his ward wanted a chance to go on a date with him. I came to terms with it. I needed to date him. Now the question was: how am I going to do that without breaking his heart again?
When I told my friends of my intentions they were all very protective of Matt’s feelings. They knew what damage I had caused before. I knew it too, yet I couldn’t let him pass me by. I couldn’t let him marry somebody else when I felt like he was mine. Every time we were together, I was carefully assessing my feeling. Do I really love him? I didn’t make any moves. I didn’t suggest that we date. I just analyzed what was going on between us.
Winter break came and we both spent a few weeks at home. He called me up one night to ask me on a date. He was invited to join a friend on a group date and it was too last minute to get anyone else, so he decided to try his good ol’ reliable friend. I said yes. It was pretty much the best date ever. I had forgot how easily I could be myself around him. It was a large group of people, but it felt like it was just the two of us. We were making jokes and playing games. I gave him a piggy back ride through the gateway mall and we tried to see who could climb up a ledge at temple square. We must have seemed odd to the other people. I’m sure it seemed like we were in love, yet so many of our conversations were about other potential partners at school. I went home that night knowing that I really did love him and that I wanted to be with him. I forgot how happy I was when I was with him. How happy he made me.
Monday, September 27, 2010
This is what Parker has been up to lately:
- He sings his ABC and recognizes at least 8 letters (E, R, B, H, I, S, O, A).
- He can count to ten
- He has been going potty an average of 1 time a day
- He is loving and gives kisses and hugs freely
- He all of a sudden loves taking baths. He wants multiple ones a day.
- He loves, loves, loves to sing. His favorites are the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle (which he gets confused between the two songs), Once there was a snowman, and Old McDonald.
- He loves watching movies - I wish he didn't. His new favorite is Bolt.
- He loves stuffed animals. He sleeps with like 6 every night.
- He is starting to get pretty picky about what he eats
- He laughs LOUDLY especially at church during sacrament meeting
- I can't understand about 80% of what he is saying
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I know this is long, and probably boring, but this is how Matt and I met and fell in love, if any of you are interested. I just typed it all out, for some reason, I guess for posterity's sake, but then thought, "maybe I'll put it on my blog." So here it is:
For part 1 read here:
I made it rather difficult since Matt lived in Riverton and I in Logan, but we made it work. Our emails continued, although they took on a noticeably romantic vibe. We were able to see each other quite a bit despite our long separation. We were pretty happy… for a couple of months, but then, just like in high school, I wanted to keep my options open. I liked college and there were a lot of boys there that I found interesting. Of course, now I see how heartless I was, how Matt truly loved me, but at that time, I knew what we had couldn’t last. He was going to leave on his mission and the long-distance thing would be hard to keep up. That and I knew that he loved me and that scared me. Love? He was my first real boyfriend. How could I even know what love was?
So then it happened: the worst mistake of my life. Breaking up was the right decision at the time, but I was not wise, smart, brave, kind or something enough to do it correctly. So what did I do? I ignored him. I mean, not completely, but enough that he didn’t know what the heck was going on. I am truly embarrassed about how I handled the situation and how I hurt him. Of course, as if to make matters worse, Matt was completely above the type of pettiness that I exhibited. He confronted me and through a very emotional conversation, I broke up with him. Despite how cliché it sounded, I said that I still wanted to be friends and I really meant it. Despite how much it hurt him, Matt agreed to it. Who would have thought that “I could have my cake and eat it too,” as the saying goes. I could date other people while keeping Matt in my back pocket just in case. It sure wasn’t enjoyable for Matt, but how could it have been any other way. We needed each other.
I wasn’t heartless. Really. I loved Matt so much, but I wasn’t in love with Matt the same way he was in love with me. It didn’t feel right and I wasn’t ready for that type of relationship anyway. Sorry. I know I don’t need to justify my actions anymore, but I just feel so darn bad about it. A few months later, Matt was about to leave on his mission. I had made arrangements for my friend to drive me down to Riverton to attend a farewell party and listen to his talk. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication and I was left in my college dorm, helpless. I didn’t have a car to drive and I certainly wasn’t going to walk. So instead I just cried. I wasn’t going to see my best friend for two years and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. My heart ached thinking about how he would feel about our unresolved end. For all he knew, I could be married by the time he came back. At that moment my roommate, Jackie, volunteered to drive me down. She had no reason to make that 3 hour round trip drive that evening. Usually I can’t accept that type of offer, but how could I refuse. Jackie knew the intricacies of our relationship probably better than anyone else. She knew how it important it was. I was late, but I was there. I did attend his farewell party and I did get to say goodbye.
The next two years went by pretty fast for me. I wrote to Matt a few times. He wrote to me a little more than a few times, but once he realized that I wasn’t the letter-writing type, he started to only write when written to. I still get crap for the scarcity of letters I sent out in that two-year period. I didn’t realize it, but he thought about me often. Not in an obsessive, can’t focus kind of way, but he always kept a picture of me – or rather, a poster by his desk. It was supposedly one of those motivational posters with the word “determination” written across the bottom in bold letters followed by some inspirational quote, but the picture was of me rock climbing. A tribute to all our adventures.
I knew Matt should be coming home soon. I was looking forward to it. When the day had come, I nervously took out my phone and dialed his home number. He answered and we spoke a few words. It was a little awkward and he didn’t seem nearly as excited as I imagined he would be. Even though I was silently disappointed, I thought, “Finally, he is over me” and willed myself to be happy about it. It was a bit of a relief. I didn’t need to feel awkward or worry about what I was going to say to him. We went dancing as friends. We went climbing as friends. That’s all we were: friends. Isn’t that what I wanted?
I moved home over the summer, but I didn’t really have many friends at home, except Matt. We started spending a lot of time together. I came over to his house often to use his computer since mine wasn’t working very well. Or was that just an excuse? I don’t recall. I remember that I started to feel a little different about Matt. I would sit a little closer to him. Our conversations got a little more flirtatious. Even though I was aware of this, I pretended like it was nothing. Not a big deal. We’re just really good friends.
We planned a trip to Maple Canyon with some friends. We were going to spend the day climbing and then head watch the Manti Pageant in the evening. We all had a lot of fun despite the rain, and even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was very attracted to Matt as he climbed up the cliffs of Maple Canyon. We went to the Manti Pageant and sat next to each other, wrapped in a blanket and then in one moment, I realized that it had gone too far. He held my hand. That was not in my plan. There was this other guy from college who was coming down to visit me in a couple of weeks, a guy that I had liked for a while and now this. Although surprised and confused, I enjoyed it. I felt good for him to hold my hand in the way that only he can. We camped out that night and I fell asleep to the nagging question, “What should I do?” I continued to not only hold his hand the remainder of the trip, but to continue to enjoy it. I had a speech prepared about how it wouldn’t work, about how Matt still needed to date people, and about how I still wanted to date people too. People that weren’t him. Unfortunately, we never had any privacy the entire weekend.
The next day we were both up in Logan making preparations for the school year and he was my ride home. I knew I couldn’t drag it on like I did the first time I broke his heart, so I tried to be direct. Seeing his heart break was awful, but hearing him say that we could no longer be friends if we weren’t going to be more than friends was more than I could bear. So there we were. In the car crying, knowing that our relationship was now over.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I remember the moment clearly, but at the time, I didn’t find it particularly significant except perhaps an embarrassing situation barely avoided. I was sitting in health class, a timid girl feeling all alone in a room full of 30-something kids. The teacher called for everyone to get into groups. I always HATED when teachers did this to me. I had two options. I could actually talk to someone I don’t know and invite myself to join their group or just wait it out, hoping someone would notice me and invite me to join their group. I, of course, chose the second. I always did. Talking to people I didn’t know was always too difficult, although I’m not sure why. Pretty much everyone was grouped up, except me, when I almost started to panic. At that moment, the only person I knew – or I should say, recognized – invited me into a group or 4 or 5 boys. The boys were nice and introduced themselves to me and I noticed one, his name was Matt. He had a CTR ring on and was kind. I didn’t feel worried anymore.
As the weeks rolled by, Matt and I became friends. The teacher always left a few minutes at the end of class and Matt would always take that opportunity to talk to me. I knew that he had a little crush on me, but I didn’t think anything of it. At that point, I was almost sixteen which meant I could start dating soon, and I was keeping my options open. There was one boy that had caught my attention. I met him at a dance and had heard through the grapevine that, apparently, I had caught his attention too.
There it was. The phone call I was waiting for. The boy from the dance was asking me on a date. I was not yet sixteen, but by next Friday, when the date was set, I would be. Perfect timing.
I was so nervous. I sat at the piano and played as fast as I could. The tempo matching my heart rate, until “ding dong” and they both stopped. I was nervous to begin with, but fear began to paralyze me when I realized that I didn’t know a single person in the van. Heck, I barely knew my date. Yeah, we danced together a few times and he was a friend of a friend and such, but just like that one moment in health class, I felt alone. Whatever charm I had that night we danced had melted away. It was just me and I was terrified. Why? I’m not sure. I liked him a lot and wanted to leave a good impression, so, of course, I do the exact opposite. It’s not that we had much opportunity to talk since we just went to a movie, but even the time before and after the movie, I was pretty much mute. So that was that. My friend confirmed what I already knew. He wasn’t interested anymore. Who would be interested in a boring girl, a girl like me.
My next date couldn’t have been more contrasting. Matt, of course, took the opportunity to ask me on a date. We went swing dancing at the MAC. I had so much fun. It surprised me. I thought I was doomed to be that boring girl from a few weeks ago. The one who, no matter how hard she tried, could not think of one interesting or charming thing to say. Well, I was a different girl tonight. Matt made sure I was comfortable and that each moment was enjoyable. See, I wasn’t boring. Matt didn’t think so.
As our high school career continued, Matt and I became even better friends. Even though I was vaguely aware that Matt had some attraction to me, I didn’t think that it was anything more than that. I didn’t realized how hurtful it was when I would date one of his best friends or when I would talk to him about boys that I liked. In fact, most of the time, I took his loyalty and kindness for granted.
It wasn’t until after we graduated that I truly appreciated the type of friendship we had. We could talk about anything. He was the one person who understood me. We would take any situation we were in and turn it into a fun adventure. The summer after graduation was mostly like a dream. We would start out in groups, hanging out. We learned how to rock climb. We would go on a hike. Slowly the group faded away until it was just the two of us. Some days, we would spend the whole day together, doing some sort of marathon activity like hike then rock climb then go biking and then go dancing until the day was done. I was surprised that even though we spent so many hours together, we never ran out of things to say. But still, we were friends, best friends, but only friends.
When I went away to college, I felt alone once again. I knew people from high school and my roommates really were nice, but I needed someone else. I needed Matt. We would email each other every day. Every single day. Sometimes more. We kept them lighthearted and silly, but every single chance I got, I was on that computer checking my email. I counted down the days until I could see him again. One time, when I went home, we planned a great adventure. We went rock climbing up Big Cottonwood Canyon at a place called “The Slips.” There we did a 2-pitch climb for the first time. It was easy, but the reward was at the top. Instead of going up and down a cliff, we went up and then up again, until we were at the very top of the cliff, just the two of us. It was beautiful seeing the canyon this way. We sat next to each other in a little nook and both of us felt it, but neither of us did anything about it. We just sat in silence- having nothing to say for the first time. I was suspicious before, but now I knew that I needed Matt to be more than a friend. We went out to eat covered in climbing chalk, feeling like we were cool even though we probably just looked silly. Then we went to a movie. I thought “this is it” and it was. It was the end of our friendship as we knew it, but the beginning of something new.
to be continued
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I'm 16 weeks along and doing well. I haven't had much morning sickness. In fact, much of the time I was worried because I wasn't sick at all and morning sickness is a sign of a normal pregnancy. I was, however, super-duper tired. That is probably why you haven't heard from me much in the last little bit. I am feeling better now and I can't wait for my new little one to arrive!
In other news, I'm teaching again this year and I haven't told my students about my pregnancy yet. I guess I'm a little scared because my due date is 2 days after the science fair and they may feel like I won't be there to help them. But, I'm sure there are rumors flying. Either "Ms. Budd is pregnant" or "Ms. Budd has put on some weight!"
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
- We have been landscaping our yard for the last couple of weekends. I am completely sick of picking up rocks.
- We should be able to close on our house this Wednesday!! and move in Thursday!!!!!!!!
- Matt and I just got back from a rained out Youth Conference. We were the goodly parents of 9 teenagers. If you thought it was cold last weekend in the Salt Lake valley, it was really cold up in the Uintahs.
- For the three months we lived in the Bluffdale First Ward, we were both called to be on the activities committee, substitute primary teachers, and asked to go to Youth Conference. Plus, as a parting gift, they asked us to speak in sacrament meeting last Sunday. I don't know why they decided to pick on us...Maybe because my dad is the ward clerk...perhaps he had something to do with it.
- Matt and I are running the Ragnar Wasatch Back this weekend. A team of 12 runs from Logan to Park City (188 miles).
- Matt just graduated from the University of Phoenix with his bachelor degree in Accounting. Yay!!
- He was accepted to the Weber State MBA program and will be starting this fall.
- Matt is training for the Ragnar relay race. Matt will be running three legs that equal 18 miles. And he will be doing it in these bad boys:
- I finished up the school year with AMES and I'm not sure what I'll be doing next year.
- I've gained 7 lbs living at my parents house. Good thing I'm moving this week.
- I decided last minute to join Matt's Ragnar team. I will be running a total of 13 miles as runner #4 (hopefully I don't die mid-stride). I haven't run much since the Marathon in September. In fact, I will only have 1 1/2 weeks of training for this weekend. Fortunately, it is one of the easiest legs.
- Basketball was so last month. Now, it's all about baseball.
- Parker LOVES to sing. He sings Hallelujah, ABCs, and his very first original song. It goes like this: mama (high), dada (low), mama (high), dada (low)
- He love the alphabet almost as much as he loves sports. Every time we drive anywhere and he sees building signs, he starts pointing at the letters and saying "A, O, B.." http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
They let me take their pictures, so be sure to check them out at photography-by-ashley.blogspot.com and let me know what you think. I love feedback.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
It's funny how this will probably mean nothing to anyone else, but as his mom I think it is the most adorable thing ever.
Oh, and my little sister was the camera-woman. She needs a little practice.
Friday, May 14, 2010
They let me take some picture of them. Check it out at photography-by-ashley.blogspot.com. I have a lot more time now that school is almost out and I've been doing a lot of photography. Let me know if you are interested.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
What an inspiration! Any complaint that I've ever had in life seems silly compared to the hardships that Stephanie has and continues to endure day to day.
I love how she said that motherhood and beauty are the same thing. I think, as a woman, I always want to be beautiful. I spend time, money, and energy trying my best to fit the world's definition of beauty and I'm never really satisfied. There is always something I would change about myself if I could, but when I look into Parker's eyes and when I feel his kisses I feel more beauty than any amount of money could buy or any amount of time could produce. I spend way too much time thinking of ways to improve myself, never quite living up to my expectations, but when I tickle Parker and hear his infectious laugh I don't think of inadequacies. I think about how blessed I am. I think about love. I think that is why motherhood is synonymous with beauty. Nothing is more beautiful.
Friday, April 30, 2010
So I won this $12,000 Kitchen remodeling package which includes $7,000 in Bosch kitchen appliances and the $5,000 design package, but I, unfortunately, won't be able to use the design package since I have just picked out the colors and everything for my kitchen. I can't really do much more without going out of my budget...but it would be a shame for this prize to go to waste. Any takers?
Wow, I can't believe I actually won something. More on that story later.
Monday, April 26, 2010
From what I understand, this song was written and sung by an italian singer to sound like english. But it is gibberish. It's sort of trippy because it seems like I should be able to understand it, but then I can't. It's a funny song, but I really kinda like it. Very catchy.
Friday, April 16, 2010
As the years rolled by, we continued to climb and we improved a little, but it wasn't until Kateka's Biggest Loser Challenge last year, that Matt really got obsessed with the sport (Thanks Kateka!). He lost over 30 lbs and apparently that makes it a lot easier to climb.
So this is a video of Matt climbing Banana Dance 5.11d in St. George last month. I'm really proud of him!
In honor of this obsession and his new ability to climb really, really hard stuff, Matt has started a blog about (what else?) rock climbing. See redpointmatt.blogspot.com. It is under construction, so if you are really interested, come back later.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"So what has been going on in the last few months?" you ask. Or I'll ask myself since nobody will be reading this. The short answer is "a lot," but I was never good at short answers so...
Well, I've been working a lot unfortunately. Remember, I teach a class on Scientific Research at AMES high school. Honestly I love it. I help high school students with their science fair projects. So around the school science fair date I started doubling my hours and every week it got worse and worse. I worked more than 40 hours one week, which I guess is no big deal except I'm really supposed to be a full-time mom who teaches as a hobby. Poor Parker lost his mom. Sad. I probably won't work there next year even though I love teaching. Sad again. (side note: We had 17 projects entered into the regional fair. All except 2 placed in their category. One of the projects "The effect of localization on the stability of DNA duplexes..." is going to the international science fair! It was way over my head.)
Next big news: We're building a house!!! We sold our condo in West Valley and are building a house on the other side of West Valley. I know what you are thinking. West Valley? But honestly I have always felt safe there and I love being surrounding by such great diversity. I felt like Matt and I were service missionaries in our last ward. Now our new location isn't so inner-city. We are on a quarter-acre lot in a cul-de-sac in the middle of a nice brand new neighborhood just a couple of houses down from a large park which is connected to miles of a paved park trail system. I'm really excited. It should be done mid-june or so (who knows with this crappy weather).
Parker has grown up. He is no longer a baby. Now he thinks he is such a big boy.