I was surprised how many people have actually been reading this story. I had a lot of people asking for more. I promise only one more part of the story after this. See Part 1 and Part 2.
We both moved on. I started dating a boy pretty seriously and Matt was a crazy dating machine. We were still civil to each other, but there was no more hanging out. It wasn’t really until after the boy I was dating broke my heart that we began to be friendly again. Since I had been dating him the entire semester, I hadn’t really been spending much time with my other friends and when he left my doorstep that last time I felt alone. I could talk to my friends, but they didn’t really understand me. Not as much as Matt did. In a moment of desperation, I took a long walk and ended up at Matt’s doorstep. I knocked and my heart dropped when he wasn’t home. Still, his roommates delivered the message and he was surprised. He didn’t know how much I’ve always depended on him.
Things started small. I helped him with his homework. We shared stories about unsuccessful dates. I tried to set him up with my roommate. We would walk with each other to certain classes. We started dancing once again. And we would plan trips to the “closet” which, even though it sounds dirty, is actually a small climbing room in the field house. There was one time at the closet that we both remember. No one else was there except us. We played games on the wall and would spot each other when climbing high. I remember the urge to lean over and kiss him, but I quickly threw that silly notion out of my mind, but we both can still remember that tension we felt. The way it was to casually bump into each other or to make a flirtatious comment.
It was that day that I knew something had to change. I remember thinking that If I keep on standing by, I’m going to end up like Julia Roberts on “My Best Friend’s Wedding” except I didn’t have a gay friend who would help me ruin his wedding and comfort me afterward when the plan failed. I already knew I felt jealous of all those girls he talked about. How he asked the cutest girl out in his class. How I knew certain girls in his ward wanted a chance to go on a date with him. I came to terms with it. I needed to date him. Now the question was: how am I going to do that without breaking his heart again?
When I told my friends of my intentions they were all very protective of Matt’s feelings. They knew what damage I had caused before. I knew it too, yet I couldn’t let him pass me by. I couldn’t let him marry somebody else when I felt like he was mine. Every time we were together, I was carefully assessing my feeling. Do I really love him? I didn’t make any moves. I didn’t suggest that we date. I just analyzed what was going on between us.
Winter break came and we both spent a few weeks at home. He called me up one night to ask me on a date. He was invited to join a friend on a group date and it was too last minute to get anyone else, so he decided to try his good ol’ reliable friend. I said yes. It was pretty much the best date ever. I had forgot how easily I could be myself around him. It was a large group of people, but it felt like it was just the two of us. We were making jokes and playing games. I gave him a piggy back ride through the gateway mall and we tried to see who could climb up a ledge at temple square. We must have seemed odd to the other people. I’m sure it seemed like we were in love, yet so many of our conversations were about other potential partners at school. I went home that night knowing that I really did love him and that I wanted to be with him. I forgot how happy I was when I was with him. How happy he made me.