Back to School or not

It seems like everyone is getting ready to go back to school. The newspaper is overrun by back to school sales ads. The weather is getting a little cooler (only a little). The youth in my ward are starting to complain about the end of summer. Wal-mart is filled with spiral-bound notebooks.

This is the first year I'm NOT going back to school. Obviously I went to school every year from preschool to senior year at RHS (Go Silverwolves!) and then I went straight through 4 years of College at Utah State (Go Aggies! What is an aggie anyway?) and then I got a job teaching chemistry at AMES for two years (Go Nerdy kids!).

AMES is a public charter school which means that it is free and there is open enrollment with a cap at 400 students. It is a very small school and I think that is one of its greatest strengths. AMES stands for Academy for Math, Engineering, and Science and we tried to focus on giving kids opportunities to excel in those areas although the school had a great arts, social studies, and english programs as well.

Most people have the mistaken understanding that AMES is only for smart kids. Not true. In fact during enrollment we would focus on underprivledged, minority, lower economic status, and potential first generation college students. It is true that we did grab the attention of some brilliant MIT bound students, but most of the students were not this way.

I LOVED teaching. I LOVED my students. Being in such a small school, I got to know most of my students very, very well. In fact, I still keep in touch with many of them. Many of them have added me as their friend on facebook (not the other way around). I even received emails from a couple of them this summer.

Here is an email from my student Nathan. He would always stay after class asking me girl advise:

Anyways I'm sorry I never had the time to write an e-mail. I have been very busy with Canada and all, never got on a computer. So how is your summer going? Are you excited about your baby coming soon? Will you visit with your baby sometime? Well what ever happens enjoy it! hoping to talk to ya some more soon!

Sincerely,
Nathan
(AKA) Your most awesome student! =D

Here is part of an email from another student JP. I wasn't even aware that he liked me all that much, but he wrote me a sweet email:

How are you? How are things going? It's boring not talking to you every other day. Next year is going to be way lame without you at AMES. How's the baby doing? :) I'm doing pretty well. Actually very well.

It makes me school-sick. I wish I could go back, but then again I am very excited for this new chapter of my life. In reality I get to be the ultimate teacher: mother.

I had an opportunity to go to Washington DC with 4 of my students last fall for the NCSSSMST (the world's longest acronym) conference. The National Consortium of Specialized Secondary Schools of Mathmatics, Science, and Technology. The first day I tried very hard to establish myself as the teacher of the group but soon gave up when I realized everyone else just thought I was a student. Oh, well it was more fun that way.

Can you tell which one is the teacher?

Cute kids: Daniel, Ahrash, Sarah, and Ludmila

Cecret Lake

Last Saturday, Matt and I went on a hike to Cecret Lake. Why they spell secret with a C is a mystery to me. In fact, why called it "secret" lake is also a mystery considering how many people were on the trail. Obviously, not a very well-kept secret.

Cecret Lake was a short hike up Little Cottonwood Canyon. It is beautiful up there right now. There are so many colorful wildflowers dotting meadows and abundant wildlife.

We met a very interesting man on the way down the trail. I wish I could remember his name, but I do remember he was from Canada, eh. He bought a sailboat and traveled the oceans for 5 years to spend with his family and then he stopped at American Samoa and got a job working for the government. He was down in Salt Lake for a FAIR conference.

FAIR is the Foundation for Apologetic Information and Research. Basically, it is an organization dedicated to the defense of the LDS church. People who have questions or doubts about the church may find their website (http://www.fairlds.org/) very informative. I have visited it before and read some of their articles, but honestly the things they write about aren't that important if you have a testimony of the gospel. A testimony can only come by spiritual confirmation not by physical evidence. This man is a retired lawyer and he quoted a well-known psychological principle that states if you have already made up your decision, you can rearrange the evidence in your favor. This is true with the church. Many anti-mormon enthusiasts will be very selective on their "evidence" against the gospel. ANYWAY, I'll get off my soapbox.

To see more pictures, check out my other blog www.photography-by-ashley.blogspot.com

Waiting for Baby

It is starting to get old. I've been pregnant for, like, 7 full months. That is the entire year of 2008 so far. It was fun at first. I liked seeing my belly grow, but now the sleepless nights, endless heartburn, inability to breathe and move are making me think that I'm just about ready.

I was thinking last night as my stomach acid decided to take a detour up my throat,"Why is this so long and uncomfortable?" And then I realized if pregnancy was easy and short and fun, everyone would have a baby whenever they had the slightest inclination to do so. Well, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that God knows what he is doing.

I am getting so excited to have my baby! (not just to return my body to its former state) I know it is going to be hard and there is a lot I have to learn, but generally the things in this life that are the most difficult and also the most worth it. If that is true, then having a baby has to be the most worthwhile experience possible. Yeah, I'm scared out of my mind for this increasingly large baby boy to come out of me (who wouldn't be), but the more I learn, the less I fear.

I know, almost for a fact, that my baby is going to be HUGE! He is strong and kicks a lot, but I know he is going to be large because of his genetics. I was 9 lbs. 6 oz and Matt was 8 lbs. 3 oz. All my friends are having little petite 6-7 lb infants. I'm pretty sure I'm going to give birth to a toddler. Even so, I know I can handle this (at least that is what I tell myself).

I can't wait to see you baby boy!

Baby Ashley
Baby Matt

Scrapbooking Debut

I have an announcement to make: I started scrapbooking. I had never really made a scrapbook before and felt a twinge of guilt because of that. I mean, what type of person doesn't scrapbook?! Don't I love my memories enough? What was wrong with me?

This whole thing started when I went over to Matt's parent's house and everybody started to look at pictures. Matt's mom started walking into the room with a box bigger than herself full of pictures. We looked through them one by one, in no sort of order: here she is 15 years old and next she is 15 minutes old. I love pictures and couldn't stand the thought of all these memories imprisoned in this box (I didn't even know before this time about the existence of the box.)

I volunteered to put all of Celeste's pictures in a scrapbook. Not an easy task. I have every picture of Celeste ever taken of her in all her 18 years and have to organize it somehow and scrapbook it. Hopefully I don't mess it up too bad, but anything is better than the box.

So it began. I went to the store and spent way too much on supplies. My friend, Rachelle, invited me over and I began the process. I was surprised to find out that I actually like scrapbooking. It is almost therapeutic. I also realized that I need way more supplies -- Rachelle has all the high tech gadgets and cute accessories. I basically limited myself to paper and stickers. Well, I suppose I will just work my way up.

Here are the first two pages I made:

Seriously (Predictably), So Blessed!

The Deseret News has fairly recently developed a new section of their newspaper every Thursday called "The Mormon Times." I thought this was rather presumptuous of them. Do they assume all of their readers are LDS? Well, being LDS, I decided to enjoy it.

During my traditional read-the-newspaper-while-eating-cereal morning routine, I came across an article in the Mormon Times about a blog. But this blog was more than it at first seemed. It is a satire on all "mormon mommy" blogs...blogs like this one. I can see how some people might be easily offended by her satirical posts, but she explains that it is not mean spirited, just observational.

The blog is titled "Seriously, So Blessed." She follows the predictable life of Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole (she might as well add Ashley) and her marriage to Jordan/Jason/Wes/Taylor. They are a young mormon couple. She goes to hair school/teaches 2nd grade and he is in medical/dental/business school. Of course she is in the Young Womens and is pregnant. She loves scrapbooking and.....bragging endlessly about her oh, so perfect life.

Reading her blog made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Yes, I and everyone I know is reading "Twilight" just like Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole (TAMN for short). I do honest think my husband is the best in the world just like TAMN does. I determined my life is fairly predictable.

There are, however, some major differences. I, for one, taught high school NOT second grade and I am 7 months pregnant NOT 3 weeks pregnant. Obviously, we are very different.

So check it out at http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/

New Blog: Photography by Ashley

In an attempt to develop my talents and maybe develop some new talents, I have started a new blog called "Photography by Ashley." It has some pictures I've been taking for fun and hopefully it will display some pictures I take for other people. That being said, I would love to shoot some engagement shots, family portraits, or baby pictures. Normally someone would charge for these services, but seeing as I'm just starting out and am doing it mostly for fun, I will take your pictures for FREE. I also make wedding announcements and slideshow/videos for events like weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

Please spread the word to anybody who is interested.

Check it out: http://photography-by-ashley.blogspot.com/

My New Life

It is funny how things can change so much so quickly. It seems only moments ago that I was carefree in college. Now my life is filled with responsibility much greater than I've ever known. I am a wife and will soon be a mother yet I still feel like that carefree college girl. How do I reconcile these feelings? Any attempt seems to throw me from my family responsibilities and drown me in what feels like selfish guilt. I want to do things and I know I need to be happy as well, yet it feels like whenever I have a desire to do something it compromises the goals I have for my family. Am I stuck? I feel in some ways that my home has become a prison. And I don't even have my baby yet...I dread that this feeling will only get worse. Am I sentenced to a life of laundry? Am I confined to cooking and cleaning? I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Without second thought I quit my job and happily obliged to my new job as mommy. Yet, I guess I didn't realize how much of a sacrifice that really would be for me. I still know it is right and I don't regret my decisions one bit, I just need to find balance in this new life. I need to find time for me.

One of the things that is so difficult now is being trapped in this new body, unable to run, climb, bike, or, heck, even bend over like I used to be able to do. I'm just happy to be walking around the block and that truly is the most physical activity I've been doing lately. I feel selfish for wanting more than that.

I suppose I started having a difficult time lately not because my belly is huge, but because I've lost contact with people. As a teacher, I had more than enough social contact, but I loved it! I felt like I was making a difference, that people liked me, that I could help them. After school was over I lost those friendships and lost my sense of purpose. I was no longer that mentor and teacher but a maid. I traded in a classroom full of smiles to a sink full of dirty dishes. I do a few things that make me happy like reading and photography, but I do nothing that makes me feel, well, I guess, important. Again, I feel guilty for being so selfish. I know that being a mother is important, but right now I'm not quite a mother and...well, I'm just adjusting to this new life.

Will I ever be able to accomplish those many goals I have set for myself, those selfish desires of my heart? Like getting my Masters, climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, running marathons, traveling the world, starting a business, and helping those less fortunate than myself? I have seen people accomplish more while still being super mom, but I'm not so sure that I am that able. My number one goal is to be the best mother and wife possible, but I wonder if it is possible to do it all. . .Or will motherhood extinguish all other goals?

Like I said, I am learning to cope with this new way of life. I suppose others might do a better job of that than me, but we all learn at our own pace. I shouldn't have such high expectations of myself. Perhaps, if I do just a little at a time I can be that super person I imagine myself being or maybe I'll accept the fact that superheroes don't exist.